If Brink and Loadout taught us anything, it’s that players love to get to make their own decisions. Customize their inventories and weapons just the way they like it, be the masters of their own destiny, etc. To this end, TF2 probably gives their players more decisions than both of the previous games combined.

But in some cases, these decisions can result in choices that are less than relevant. In fact, you could say these decisions make no difference whatsoever.

1. Rotating your teleporter entrance. The teleporter exit determines what direction your teammate is facing when they come out (and it can be really discombobulating when engineers forget this and leave the tele facing back towards spawn.) But the entrance? You can stick it whichever way you want, and it really doesn’t make a difference. Just don’t teleport bread.

2. Styles on certain cosmetics. Tell me, which Pyromancer’s Mask do you like better?

Pyromancer's mask

Don’t bother to look for minute differences; there aren’t any. These styles only affect painted Pyromancer’s Masks. This applies to a few other cosmetics, namely the Scotsman’s Stovepipe and the Hero’s Tail. All you plebes without paint can have fun adjusting the name displayed on the loadout screen after you click the plus sign.

3. Eyelander killstreak kits. Not specialized or professional ones, just regular ones.

The only thing a regular killstreak kit does is add a counter that shows how many kills you’ve obtained with a weapon. Guess what? The Eyelander has one of those by default! This minor joke is largely the reason I made the second-place prize in the Eyelander Eyestravaganza a (vintage) killstreak Eyelander.

4. Gunboats in Medieval Mode. At least with Mantreads you can jump off the parapet on DeGroot Keep and hopefully crush someone’s head on the way down. But without any sort of rocket jumping, those Gunboats are a glorified cosmetic. Note that the Market Gardener is not an example, because you can actually get critical hits with it in one very unlikely scenario. Thanks Wicket for helping me test science!

5. Damage upgrades on the jumpers. Sometimes I find it difficult to kill things with my Sticky Jumper. But I know how to solve that. Head on over to Mann Vs. Machine and buy me some damage upgrades!

Eat rounded stickies robots!
Eat rounded stickies robots!

Sadly this doesn’t actually do anything. The odd part is, as you’ll notice, Valve did remove the “+ammo capacity” upgrade, presumably because they each have quadrupled ammo to begin with. Why they missed the far more obvious useless upgrades I don’t know.

And personally, I think those upgrades should totally give real damage back to the Jumpers! Fully buffed, you can eventually have 80% damage stickies/rockets that don’t harm the user, allowing for some great mobility potential at the cost of damage output. Which doesn’t sound overpowered to me.

Are there any super important TF2 decisions I missed? Let me know! I’m sure there has to be some more in our beloved complicated first-person hat simulator.