The new Halloween map has decidedly one of the funnest post-game grudge-matches ever. Learning from their mistakes with hell from last year, Valve has taken the concepts and turned them into two very fun mini-games and one which will probably get more fun once Valve finds a way to stop perpetual stalemates on the 9-Square grid.

The Doomsday_event bumper cars are not exactly the most strategy-laden game modes TF2 has to offer but there are still some strategies quick-witted players can use to give themselves the edge. To wit:

1) Bind a key to suicide. The second you’re about to go off the edge, ghost yourself and save the long trip floating back up. You’ll miss out on some quality undead upskirt, but I’ve found the extra playing time is worth it. Except now it won’t because this has been fixed in the 31/10/14 update.

2) Wear the Saxton Hale Mask. Or the Headless Horsemann’s Head, whichever you prefer. This makes you immune to the “Boo!” taunt of the HHH while playing 9-Square, which can really give you the edge as everybody else is forced to stand perfectly still.

3) Until Valve patches it, get out of your bumper car! Switching teams while not a ghost lets you run around with weapons and everything! Pyro is the most optimal class for this because your fire allows teammates to easily slam your enemies off the pitch. Doing anything that actually kills them is not recommended because they’ll become a ghost right on the pitch, making it very easy for them to respawn. I cannot imagine this glitch will last for very long as its identical to the glitch last year that let you respawn while a ghost in hell. Oh, wait, sorry, this got fixed in the 31/10/14 update too.

Warning: Doing this and killing people will wreck your stats in ways you can't predict.
Warning: Doing this and killing people will wreck your stats in ways you cannot possibly predict.

4) Check out the carnival while in your bumper car! Marasmus’ carnival is already quite good at not making you wait in line, but if even that’s not good enough for you, equipping the Eureka Effect and taunting at the right time lets you remain on the gameplay part of the map. Stick your teleporter anywhere except the one room this videographer chose and you now have free reign over the carnival. If the mini-game is soccer or Duck Hunt, you are only hurting your team, but if the game is 9-Square, you’ve made your team unbeatable! Except not any more, since it just got patched in the 31/10/14 update.

Oh well, most of those got patched out, but you can still wear the Saxton Hale mask to save yourself from the scares. It’ll also be useful in the Soccer game mode, which now includes HHH after 45 seconds.